If You Go Through The

I Don't Think I Am Particularly Funny. In Fact, I Know I'm Not.

Ecologically Speaking, A Spilt Tanker Load Is Like Sticking A Safety Pin Into An Elephant's Foot. The Planet Barely Notices. After The Exxon Valdez Accident In Alaska The Oil Company Spent Billions Tidying Up The Coastline, But It Was A Waste Of Money Because The Waves Were Cleaning Up Faster Than Exxon Could. Environmentalists Can Never Accept The Planet's Ability To Self-heal.

Italy's Youngsters Complain, Apparently, About Having To Live At Home Until They Are 72 But That's Because They Spend All Their Money On Suits And Coffee And Alfa Romeos Rather Than Mortgages.

I Was Reading The Mirror The Other Day And Came Across A Letter From A Reader Who Wrote, 'i Was Riding My Bike To Work When This Red Ferrari Pulled Up Next To Me. Out Of The Window, Jeremy Clarkson Shouted 'get A Car', And Drove Off.' What I Actually Said Was, 'get A Car You Hatchet Faced, Leaf-eating Tw*t

Nothing Can Prepare You For The Yawning Chasm Of Time That Passes In Canada Before The Healthcare System Actually Does Any Healthcare.