If You Became A Comedian

Have You Ever Had Sex With A Horse?

When I Turned About 12 Or 13, I Realised That Being Funny Wasn't About Remembering Jokes. It Was About Creating Them.

It Seems Like A Contradiction, But The Shy Person Who Is A Performer Actually Does Make Sense, Because In A Way, When You're Young And Shy, Making People Laugh Is A Good Way To Make Friends. It's An Instant Connection.

If You Stay In A House And You Go To The Bathroom And There Is No Toilet Paper, You Can Always Slide Down The Banisters. Don't Tell Me You Haven't Done It.

My School Days Were The Happiest Days Of My Life; Which Should Give You Some Indication Of The Misery I've Endured Over The Past Twenty-five Years.