If Whisky Or Salt Won't

Never Look On The Bright Side. The Glare Is Blinding.

I Simply Like Guns Because You Can't Shoot People Without Them.

The Confidence And Security Of A People Can Be Measured By Their Attitude Toward Laxatives. At The High Noon Of The British Sun, Soldiers In Far-flung Outposts Of The Empire Doctored Themselves With "a Spoonful O' Gunpowder In A Cuppa 'ot Tea." Purveyors And Users Of Harsh Laxatives Were Not Afraid Of Being Thought Mean And Unfriendly Just Because Their Laxatives Were. But In America, The Need To Be Nice Is So Consuming That Nobody Would Dare Take A Laxative That Makes You Run Up The Stairs Two At A Time, Pushing Others Aside And Yelling, "get Out Of The Way!

Kings And Queens Might Do Wicked Things, But They Don't Nag. One Thing I Like About Bloody Mary: She Never Said A Word About Lung Cancer.

In The Last Few Years, Race Relations In America Have Entered Upon A Period Of Intensified Craziness Wherein Fear Of Being Called A Racist Has So Thoroughly Overwhelmed Fear Of Being A Racist That We Are In Danger Of Losing Sight Of The Distinction.