If The Girls Keep Dancing,

Like Many Other Touchstones Of Twenty-first-century Pop Culture, 'the Sopranos' Was Hatched In The Late Nineties, Predicting A Future That Never Arrived. It Was Designed For A Decade That Would Be Just Like The Nineties, Except More So, In An America That Enjoyed Seeing Itself As Smarter And Braver And Freer Than Ever Before.

When I Was A Junior, My School Introduced Badminton, Which Was Clearly A P.e. Department Ploy To Get Me Away From The Wrestling Room, And It Worked, Since The First Time I Played Badminton Was Like The First Time I Tasted Sushi Or Heard The Beatles Or Read Wordsworth. This Was A Sport? This Counted For Gym Requirements?

If All Music Did Was Bring The Past Alive, That Would Be Fine. You Can Hide Away In Music And Let It Recapture Memories Of Things That Used To Be. But Music Is Greedy And It Wants More Of Your Heart Than That. It Demands The Future, Your Future. Music Wants The Rest Of Your Life. So You Can't Rest Easy. At Any Moment, A Song Can Come Out Of Nowhere To Shake You Up, Jump-start Your Emotions, Ruin Your Life.

'american Horror' Goes For A Very Specific Kind Of Seventies Suburban Downer Ambience - 'flowers In The Attic' Paperbacks, Black Sabbath Album Covers And Late-night Flicks Like 'let's Scare Jessica To Death.' It Even Has 'go Ask Alice'-era Urban Legends.

I Was Totally Clueless About Social Interaction, And Completely Scared Of Girls. All I Knew Was That Music Was Going To Make Girls Fall In Love With Me.