If Someone Says That I'm

I Was Jewish, Through And Through, Although In Our House That Didn't Mean A Whole Lot. We Never Went To Synagogue. I Never Had A Bar Mitzvah. We Didn't Keep Kosher Or Observe The Sabbath. In Fact, I'm Not So Sure I Would Have Known What The Sabbath Looked Like If It Passed Me On The Street, So How Could I Observe It?

I Always Feel That Most Political Jokes, If You're Going To Do Them, You Have To Do Them Within The Next Five Minutes, Or Else They're Outdated. By The Time You've Got It To The Point That It's Strong, It Would Be 12 Years Old.

A Lot Of People Who Claim They're Political Comedians Are Just Comedians Who Have Opinions. But They Stop Being Funny The Minute They Give Their Opinions.

I Think Of Alan Thicke As Perry Como Without The Excitement.

Any Misfortune That Happens To Another Person Is Funny. If It Happens To Someone Else And Not Me, It's Very Funny.