If Modesty And Candor Are

I Often Used To Think Myself In The Case Of The Fox-hunter, Who, When He Had Toiled And Sweated All Day In The Chase As If Some Unheard-of Blessing Was To Crown His Success, Finds At Last All He Has Got By His Labor Is A Stinking Nauseous Animal. But My Condition Was Yet Worse Than His; For He Leaves The Loathsome Wretch To Be Torn By His Hounds, Whilst I Was Obliged To Fondle Mine, And Meanly Pretend Him To Be The Object Of My Love.

I Was Amongst The Virtues Like The Great Turk In His Seraglio Of Women, And I Chose To Dwell With That Virtue Which Looked The Fairest In My Eyes And Gave Me At That Season Most Pleasure. In Short, I Made Wives Of Them: I First Admired Them, Then Made Them My Own Property, And If They Would Not Submit To My Will, I Again Turned Them Off And Divorced Them.

Little Miss Is Taught By Her Mamma That She Must Never Speak Before She Is Spoken To. On This She Sits Bridling Up Her Head, Looking From One To The Other, In Hopes Of Being Called To And Addressed By The Name Of Pretty Miss.... But If This Should Not Happen And No One Should Take Any Notice Of Her, She Is Ready To Cry At The Neglect. But Should There Be Another Miss In The Room Caressed And Taken Notice Of Whilst She Is Thus Overlooked, It Will Be Impossible For Her To Contain Her Tears, And Blubbering Is The Word.

But In All Things Whether We Shall Make Only A Due Use Of The Liberties We Have Asked, Is Left Entirely To The Judicious Reader To Decide.

I Believe No Gentleman Would Like To Have His Family Affairs Neglected Because His Wife Was Filling Her Head With Crotchets And Pothooks, And Who, Because She Understood A Few Scraps Of Latin, Valued That More Than Minding Her Needle Or Providing Her Husband's Dinner.