If I Could Cause World

You Can Say "ass," But You Can't Say "asshole." That's Why I Always Cringe When A Character In A Tv Show Refers To Someone As An "ass." Unless You're British, Calling Someone An Ass Really Doesn't Work. But Those Are The Rules Of Television. You Can Be A Dirtbag, But Not A Scumbag.

I Used To Go To The Improvisation Comedy Club Every Night In Times Square. How I Didn't Get Killed In That Area Either Means That 1) God Is Watching Over Me Or 2) I Am So Insignificant To God That He Didn't Bother Having Me Killed.

I Changed The Face Of Comedy. I Used To Be Funny.

I've Never Understood People Who Say They're Not A Practicing Jew. You Never Hear A Black Guy Say He's Not A Practicing African-american. What Does It Even Mean?

Unfortunately, I've Never Been Mistaken As Johnny Depp.