I Was Surprised By How

I Think The Rule Of Thumb Should Be This: If You Preface A Sentence About A Friend With The Phrase, 'i Love X, But... ' More Than Once In Any Conversation, You Should Stop Hanging Out With Them.

I Think Humor Is The Social Use. You Can Put Anything In It. I Think - Yes, I Speak Heavily In Analogies - It Is Like Putting The Medicine In Apple Sauce Or A Block Of Cheese For A Dog. Not That Anyone In This Room Is A Dog In This Scenario.

I Write On Weekends, On Vacation, And, Really - On Deadline And On My Floor. Both Terrible For The Back.

If You Have To Ask Someone To Change, To Tell You They Love You, To Bring Wine To Dinner, To Call You When They Land, You Can't Afford To Be With Them.

The Children Were Overwhelmingly Morbid. Not A Single Adult Asked Me Where Butterflies Go When They Die, But This Question Was More Popular Than Pixie Sticks With The Under-four-foot Set. I Cursed Parents For Not Preparing Their Children. When I Was Five, My Mother And Sister Sat Me Up On The Kitchen Counter And Explained The Facts Of Life: The Easter Bunny Didn't Exist, Elijah Was God's Invisible Friend, With Any Luck Nana Would Die Soon, And If I Ever Saw A Unicorn, I Should Kill It Or Catch It For Cash. I Turned Out Okay.