I Was An Angst-y Journal

My Parents Had Irrational Fears Of Mexico And Assumed That Once You Crossed The Border, Drug Runners Made You Swallow A Heroin Balloon And Then Within The Hour You Were In A Bathtub Full Of Ice And They Were Harvesting Your Kidneys.

On My Last-place Finish In The 50-yard Dash During Little League Tryouts “it Kinda Looked Like You Were Being Attacked By A Bunch Of Bees Or Something. Then When I Saw The Fat Kid With The Watch Who Was Timing You Start Laughing…. Well, I’ll Just Say It’s Never A Good Sign When A Fat Kid Laughs At You.

On My First Driving Lesson “first Things First: A Car Has Five Gears. What Is That Smell?…okay, First Thing Before That First Thing: Farting In A Car That’s Not Moving Makes You An Asshole.

The Internet Has Really Democratized Ideas. There Are No Real Gatekeepers Any More, Because If You Have A Great Idea, And You Put It Online, People Will Find It And It Will Get In Front Of Who It Needs To Get In Front Of.

I Almost Feel Like I'm Unoffendable Now. I Can Roll With Whatever.