I Was A Thirteen-year-old Boy

Look, I Come From Vaudeville, I Come From Burlesque, I Come From Heartaches, I Come From Sadness, I Come From Gladness, I Come From Work And Sweat And Respect For The Craft.

Hey Kids! Let's Put On A Show!

Had I Been Brighter, The Ladies Been Gentler, The Scotch Been Weaker, Had The Gods Been Kinder, Had The Dice Been Hotter, This Could Have Been A One-sentence Story: Once Upon A Time I Lived Happily Ever After.

You Always Pass Failure On The Way To Success.

Always Get Married In The Morning. That Way If It Doesn't Work Out, You Haven't Wasted The Whole Day.