I've Got The Attention Span

It's Going To Be A Night Of Partying And Heavy Drinking. Or As Charlie Sheen Calls It: Breakfast.

My Ideal Meal Would Probably Be The Cheesiest Pasta Or Pizza, Followed By Something Creamy And Chocolaty. I Mean, Just The Worst Things, Really.

I Think Comedy Has To Be An Intellectual Pursuit. It Comes Down To Logic And Analysis. As Soon As It Becomes Emotional, It's Not Comedy Anymore.

Telling Someone With Depression To Pull Themselves Together Is About As Useful As Telling Someone With Cancer To Just Stop Having Cancer

Piracy Doesn't Kill Music, Boy Bands Do.