I've Compiled A Book From

There's No Downside To Fame And People Who Whine About It Make Me Sick. It's The Greatest Thing In The World.

I Had A Parakeet That Used To Fly Around The House And Crash Into These Huge Mirrors My Mother Put In. Ever Heard Of This Interior Design Principle, That A Mirror Makes It Seem Like You Have An Entire Other Room? What Kind Of Jerk Walks Up To A Mirror And Goes, Hey Look, There's A Whole Other Room In There. There's A Guy That Looks Just Like Me In There.

I Always Did Well On The Essay Questions. Just Put Everything You Know On There, Maybe You'll Hit It.

Ever Noticed That No Matter What Happens In One Day, It Exactly Fits In The Newspaper?

I Know There Are Kids Out There, I Want To Make Sure They All Know That Driving Without Braking Is Not Something I Recommend, Unless You Have Professional Clown Training Or A Comedy Background, As I Do. It Is Not Something I Plan To Make A Habit.