I Tried To Freshen Up

When You Go To A Bar That Has A Black Light, Everybody Looks Cool. Except For Me, Because I Was Under The Impression That The Mustard Stain Came Out.

This Shirt Is "dry-clean Only"... Which Means It's Dirty.

I Don't Have A Girlfriend. But I Do Know A Woman Who'd Be Mad At Me For Saying That.

I Play The Guitar. I Taught Myself How To Play The Guitar, Which Was A Bad Decision... Because I Didn't Know How To Play It, So I Was A Shitty Teacher. I Would Never Have Went To Me.

I Like Vending Machines, Because Snacks Are Better When They Fall. If I Buy A Candy Bar At The Store, Oftentimes I Will Drop It So That Is Achieves Its Maximum Flavor Potential.