I Think That Standup Has

In Show Business, It Takes 10 Years To Create An Overnight Success. You've Heard That, Right? But What You Don't Hear Is That That's The Exact Same Amount Of Time It Takes To Create A Bitter Failure.

In Most Cases The Only Difference Between Depression And Disappointment Is Your Level Of Commitment.

How Complicated Can Ice Cream Flavors Be? How Much Can You Put In There? I Mean, When The Flavor's Something Like Banana Ice Cream With Caramel, Fudge Chunks, Cheddar Goldfish And Pennies - You've Got To Draw A Line There.

I Know That The Podcast Is Typically Something I Can Do Forever, Because It's Mine; It's Just Me And My Producer And Business Partner, So It's Our Business.

I Used To Be Jealous; I'm Not Jealous Anymore. And A Miracle Happened To Me, Because If You're Jealous, It's A Cancer, It's A Plague On Your Spirit, It Really Is. And I Actually Cured Jealousy In A Very Weird Way - I Cured It With Mathematics. And I'm Not A Math Person At All, But I've Been With My Wife For About Seven Years, So We Have Had Sex Probably, I'd Like To Think, Like, 9 Million Times Or, At Least, 1,500. So, The Way I Figured It, If She Goes Out And Screws Some Other Guy Once - I'm Still Winning.