I Think I Might Have

I Know You're On The Atkins Diet, But Could You Stop Eating Bacon During Sex?

There's Only One Requirement Of Any Of Us, And That Is To Be Courageous. Because Courage, As You Might Know, Defines All Other Human Behavior. And, I Believe - Because I've Done A Little Of This Myself - Pretending To Be Courageous Is Just As Good As The Real Thing.

Airport Screeners Are Now Scanning Holiday Fruitcakes. Not Even The Scanners Can Tell What Those Little Red Things Are.

I Got Some Good News Earlier Today Before The Show. Thanks To Alex Rodriguez, I Am No Longer The Most Overpaid Disappointment In New York City.

What We Know About Osama Bin Laden Is This: He's Worth $300 Million, He Has Five Wives And Twenty-six Kids -- And He Hates Americans For Their "excessive" Lifestyle.