I Tend To Equate Sadness

No Woman Will Ever Satisfy Me. I Know That Now, And I Would Never Try To Deny It. But This Is Actually Okay, Because I Will Never Satisfy A Woman, Either. Should I Be Writing Such Thoughts? Perhaps Not. Perhaps It’s A Bad Idea. I Can Definitely Foresee A Scenario Where That First Paragraph Could Come Back To Haunt Me, Especially If I Somehow Became Marginally Famous.

If Rain Is God Crying, I Think God Is Drunk And His Girlfriend Just Slept With Zeus.

First, You Must Love Yourself. And If You Do That Convincingly Enough, Others Will Love You Too Much.

People Can Demand Someone They've Never Met Be Arrested And Thrown In Jail Forever Because They Know It's Never Going To Happen And They're Never Going To See This Person.

I Remember Saying Things, But I Have No Idea What Was Said. It Was Generally A Friendly Conversation.” —associated Press Reporter Jack Sullivan, Attempting To Recount A 3 A.m. Exchange We Had At A Dinner Party And Inadvertently Describing The Past Ten Years Of My Life.