I Pulled A Hamstring During

I'm Worried About John Kerry, He's So Confident Now That He's Already Planning His White House Sex Scandal.

I Like My Cinema Gritty, I Like My Eggs Gritty.

The President Met With Bp Ceo Tony Hayward, And Obama Was Demanding That Bp Clean Up The Gulf. And I'm Thinking, Good Luck. They Can't Even Clean Up Their Gas Station Restrooms.

I Knew That If I Woke Up Hung Over, I Couldn't Do The Best Possible Job On The Show, So I Had To Quit. Also, I'd Consumed A Lot Of Beer For A Lot Of Years, And I Thought, That's Enough. I've Had My Fun And I'm Glad I Quit.

I Have Talents Aplenty. Unfortunately, Precious Few Of Them Have Any Redeeming Social Value.