I'm Very Resourceful. I'd Be

There Was A Flight From Cleveland To New York City With Just Two People On Board. There Hasn't Been Two People On An Airplane Since The Wright Brothers.

Hookers In Times Square, God Bless 'em, Are Offering A Mitt Romney Special. For An Extra $20 They'll Change Positions.

President Obama's Trying To Work Out A Nuclear Deal With Iran, And The Republicans Are Steamed. They Got Together And Sent Iran A Letter About The Nuclear Deal. They Said If This Doesn't Work, By God, They're Going To Send Seth Rogen And James Franco.

I Believe I Have Voted For Both Democrats And Republicans. Am I Either One? Absolutely Not. Ladies And Gentlemen, I Am An American.

The Weather Here Is Gorgeous. It's Mild And Feels Like It's In The Eighties. The Hot Dog Vendors Got Confused Because Of The Weather And Thought It Was Spring, So They Accidentally Changed The Hot Dog Water In Their Carts.