I'm Not Lazy. I'm Simply

When Did The Cell Phone Become A License To Be Rude? And Why Must I Be Subjected To Your Personal Conversations?

I’m Busy Sorting Through Our New Collection Of Rhinestone Jewelry. Should Anyone Be In The Market For Sparkly Accessories The Size Of A Hubcap, This Is The Place To Get Them. Earlier Today, A Customer Picked Up One Of The Enormous Chandelier-style Offerings And Asked, 'do Those Be Genuine Rhimestones?' I Couldn’t Even Begin To Explain Everything That Was Wrong With Her Sentence, So I Simply Replied, 'yes. They Do Be Genuine.

Amen,' I Exclaim, Accidentally Spitting Out A Raisinet. I Pick Up The Chocolate With A Kleenex And Stuff It In My Purse. Ten Bucks Says A Month From Now I'll Have Forgotten About It And Will Finally Have Said Heart Attack When I Assume A Rat Shat In There.

Over The Summer We Chatted One Night While Angie Stripped A Bed, Changed Wet Sheets, Comforted And Repajamaed A Toddler, And Chased Down A Car Of Speeding Teenagers While Shaking A Brick At Them, Never Once Interrupting The Conversation Or Setting Down Her Margarita. The Only Reason This Woman Isn't President Of General Motors Is Because She's Chosen Not To Be.

I Don't Mean To Get All Religious Here, But I'm Pretty Sure Key Lime Martinis (with A Graham Cracker & Sugar Rim) Are Proof That Jesus Loves Us.