I'm Gonna Enjoy Being Old

I Know That's Not The Right Accent, But I Can't Do The Right Accent. It's Either The Wrong Accent Or Another Octomom Joke.

It's Earth Day Today. Let Me Tell You Something About Polar Bears. They're Endangered But You Have To Be Careful Because A Polar Bear Is One Of The Few Animals That Will Stalk A Human. If You Go To Where Polar Bears Live, It Might Stalk You And When You're On The Plane Going Home, It Might Be Behind You Reading.

Today Monopoly Added A New Game Piece: The Cat. The New Piece Was Chosen After Weeks Of Online Voting. Is That A Surprise? Whenever There's A Vote For Something On The Internet, The Cat Always Wins.

I've Started Looking At My Own Father A Bit Funny. He Assures Me, Though, That I Really Am The Son Of A Scottish Postman.

Anyway, If You Needed Something Really Dangerous, Get A Gun. It's Easy, It's Cheap, And It's The American Way.