I'm A Wiseass And A

But I Was Thinking About This, The Obamas Want To Adopt A Stray Dog From The Pound. And I Think That Is Admirable. I Believe The Last President To Bring A Stray Dog Into The White House Got Impeached.

Bronco Rick Perry Is The First Candidate I've Ever Heard Say He's Not Doing Well Because He's Sleepy. You Know, We Criticized George W. Bush A Lot, But There Was One Thing He Was Very Disciplined About, And That Was Getting His Full Eight Years Of Sleep.

A Pair Of Ruby Red Slippers Worn By Judy Garland In The Wizard Of Oz Have Been Stolen. The Thief Is Described As Being Armed And Fabulous.

George W. Bush Has A New Campaign Slogan: "a Reformer With Results." I Don't Know What It Means [but] I Think It's Better Than His Old Campaign Slogan: "a Dumb Guy With Connections.

Mary Keitany From Kenya Won The Women's Race At The New York City Marathon. You Can Tell She Was Fast Because Guys On The Street Didn't Even Have Time To Finish Their Catcalls.