I Love Being A Dad.

I'm In The Unfortunate Position Of Having To Consider Other People's Feelings

You Know You're Getting Old When You Get That One Candle On The Cake. It's Like, 'see If You Can Blow This Out.'

If You Can't Be Kind, At Least Have The Decency To Be Vague.

That's The True Spirit Of Christmas; People Being Helped By People Other Than Me.

Why Is It When You Turn On The Tv You See Ads For Telephone Companies, And When You Turn On The Radio You Hear Ads For Tv Shows, And When You Get Put On Hold On The Phone You Hear A Radio Station?