I Look At Life As

If President Nixon's Secretary, Rosemary Woods, Had Been Moses' Secretary, There Would Only Be Eight Commandments.

The Things That Matter Most Are Not Things.

People Who Live In Glass Houses Have To Wash Their Windows All The Time.

On The Whole I Woke Up In The Morning And Was Happy To Be Alive.

Writing Humor In My Column Isn't As Dangerous As Performing It. If I Fail In Front Of A Live Audience, The Humiliation Is As Great As Anything A Human Being Can Suffer.