I Like The Show [factor]

America Was Founded By Puritans And Like It Or Not The Anti-pleasure Dogma Of Those Buckled-shoed Killjoys Still Pervades Our Collective Unconscious Like An I-max Shot Of Dennis Franz's Naked Hairy Cop Ass. Hence, Anything Enjoyable Is Automatically Forbidden And Bad And In Our Panic To Avoid It At All Cost We Become Obsessed With It... Like Dressing Up In A Pink Teddy And A Pair Of Ugboots And Repeatedly Screaming The Word 'verboten!' Into A Conk Shell Balanced On The Back On A Miniature Pony... Oh, I See.. That Would Just Be Me.

Of *course* He Needs To Renegotiate His Salary - The Guy Buys More Snow Than Seward Did When He Bought Alaska From The Russians.

South African Schoolchildren Set A World Record This Week By Creating The World's Longest Clothesline. Hey, What Do South Africans Wash Their Clothes With? Apar-tide!

Al Gore Couldn't Be More Phony If He Were A Professional Al Gore Impersonator

Trends Don't Mean Anything To Me. If I Like Something, I'll Do It. If I Don't, I Won't Do It, And I Wouldn't Care If Everybody In The Country Mocked Me.