I Learned As A Young

I Have A Ridiculously Beautiful Wife Who's Super Sexy, And As Long As She's Happy With Me, I Don't Need To Look In The Mirror And Think, "how Do I Stack Up Next To Bradley Cooper? Would Cooper Rock This Shirt?" Doesn't Matter. He Does Not Have Your Wife. You Do.

Jack London Is A Very Generous Description Of My Small Hiking, Bicycling, And Canoeing Habit. I Myself Feel Like A Weak Urbanite A Lot Of The Time, Because Lots Of My Friends Are Incredible Outdoorsmen And Women.

If Properly Dried And Trimmed, New York-style Pizza Could Be Used To Make A Box For Chicago-style Pizza. I Love A Slice When I'm In Nyc, But It's Like Eating A Slim Jim Compared With A Filet Mignon. One Slice Of Gino's East Stuffed Sausage Pizza Is A Bigger Meal Than An Entire New York Pie.

I Think The Whole Thing Is Kind Of Sad, Honestly, In The Same Way That Our Civilization - Particularly The Consumers Of Pop Culture - Has Grown So Used To An Emasculated, Bare-chested Leading Man That Something Like Simply Growing A Mustache Can Impress People.

The Key, I Would Say To Any Fledgling Humorist Starting Out, Is To Make Sure That Sloppiness Is Part Of Your Recipe. That Way They Come To Expect Fumbling And Clumsiness And They Say, "oh, It Must Be A Charming Part Of His Personality."