I Just Like Doing Standup,

I Would Love To Stay At Snl Forever. But You Can't Stay In The Same Place. People Think You're A Loser.

Flattery Succeeds Best On Minds Previously Occupied By Conceit.

The Most Frequent Cause Of Regret For What We Have Done Is Because Its Effects Interfere With What We Would Do.

Note To Self: No Matter How Bad Life Gets, There's Always Beer.

Note To Self... Sex With Blow-up Doll Is Not As Good As Advertised.