I Have Two Dogs. If

Down In Texas, Rick Perry Announced He Will Not Run For Reelection. He Said 'i Executed One Last Woman, That Fertilizer Plant Exploded, I Returned Abortions To Back Alleys Where It Belongs, My Work Here Is Done.' I Think That's What He Said, He Was Chewing A Crayon.

In Europe, Socialism Is Just Another Political Party. It Just Means That Government Takes Over Certain Things Like Hospitals, Prisons, Military And Schools That Should Not Be Run For Profit.

Nobody In America Who Wants Pot Has Any Trouble Getting It, So Maybe That's Why We Aren't Seeing Support For Legalization. People Don't Think It's Necessary To Legalize It, Because It's So Easy To Get It.

I'm Guessing Our Soldiers Are Happy To Be Leaving Iraq. It Is No Fun Being In A Country Where There's Crumbling Infrastructure And An Ignorant Population, But They Said They're Happy To Come Home Anyway.

Stop Saying Athletes Do It For The Love Of The Game. They Do It For The Love Of Their 32-room Mansion With The Live Shark Tank In The Living Room. If Pro Sports Paid Minimum Wage, Shaquille O'neal Would Be A Bouncer At Scores, And Anna Kournikova Would Be A Mail-order Bride From Minsk.