I Have The Distinction Of

I'm Sorry, Those Pictures From The Abu Ghraib. At First, They, Like Infuriated Me, I Was Sad. Then Like, A Couple Days Later, After They Cut The Guy's Head Off, They Didn't Seem Like Much. And Now, I Like To Trade Them With My Friends.

Only Man Is A Narcissistic Enough Species To Think That A Highly Evolved Alien Life Force Would Travel Across Billions And Billions Of Light-years- A Group Of Aliens So Intelligent, So Insouciant, So Utterly Above It All, They Feel No Need Whatsoever To Equip Their Spacecraft With Windows So That They Can Gaze Out On All That Celestial Beauty-but Then Immediately Upon Landing, Their First Impulse Is To Get In Some Hick's Ass With A Flashlight.

We Need Anything Politically Important Rationed Out Like Pez: Small, Sweet, And Coming Out Of A Funny, Plastic Head.

Check Out The Helmet Hair On Randy Moss, Babe! He Looks Like Some Freakish Anti-mr. T After A Long Evening Sleeping Through 'aida.'

Parenting Is The Most Important Job On The Planet Next To Keeping Gary Busey Off The Nation's Highways.