I Have Spent A Lot

Thou Shalt Not Steal-only From Other Comedians.

I Personally Stay Away From Natural Foods. At My Age I Need All The Preservatives I Can Get.

Attitude Is More Important Than The Past, Than Education, Than Money, Than Circumstances, Than What People Do Or Say. It Is More Important Than Appearance, Giftedness, Or Skill.

Prayers Never Bring Anything... They May Bring Solace To The Sap, The Bigot, The Ignorant, The Aboriginal, And The Lazy - But To The Enlightened It Is The Same As Asking Santa Claus To Bring You Something For Xmas

I Was In Love With A Beautiful Blonde Once. She Drove Me To Drink. That's The One Thing I'm Indebted To Her For.