I Have Never Really Lived

I Used To Be A Real Prince Charming If I Went On A Date With A Girl. But Then I'd Get To Where I Was Likely To Have A Stroke From The Stress Of Keeping Up My Act. I've Since Learned The Key To A Good Date Is To Pay Attention On Her.

I Need A Woman To Have A Quirky Sense Of Humor. There's A Bunch Of Jokes I Use, And If She Doesn't Get Them, She's Probably Not For Me.

I'm Just Glad That The Whole John Wayne Persona Of A Man Is Sort Of Old School Now, Because I'd Never Be Able To Do That. If That Was The Going Rate Today, I Wouldn't Be Working.

I Went To A High School That Didn't Have Many People In It. There Were, Like, 60 People In My Senior Class. There Was A Group Of Cool Kids And A Group Of Really Dorky Kids, And I Was Probably The Coolest Of The Really Dorky Kids.

I've Been Accused Of Not Really Paying Attention To A Sentence Unless My Name Comes Up In It Twice.