I Have An Amazing Metabolism.

I'm In A Situation With This Girl That's As Hopeless As Overthrowing The Bush Administration.

Zerts' Are What I Call Desserts. 'trée-trées' Are Entrées. I Call Sandwiches 'sammies,' 'sandoozles,' Or 'adam Sandlers.' Air Conditioners Are 'cool Blasterz' With A 'z' - I Don't Know Where That Came From. I Call Cakes 'big Ol' Cookies.' I Call Noodles 'long-ass Rice.' Fried Chicken Is 'fry-fry Chicky-chick.' Chicken Parm Is 'chicky-chicky-parm-parm.' Chicken Cacciatore? 'chicky-cacc.' I Call Eggs 'pre-birds,' Or 'future Birds.' Root Beer Is 'super Water.' Tortillas Are 'bean Blankets.' And I Call Forks 'food Rakes.'

The Four Sweetest Words In The English Language — 'you Wore Me Down.'

With Stand-up, It's More Interesting To Hear About People's Failures Than Their Successes.

Sometimes You Gotta Work A Little, So You Can Ball A Lot.