I Have A Suicide Impulse.

Please Don't Refer To Me As "channeling Mark Twain." I'm An Actor. Not A Channeler. That Word Is An Iphone Shortcut. Acting Is More Eloquent Than That.

Man Is The Religious Animal. He Is The Only One That's Got True Religion, Several Of Them.

This Is A Deep And Personal Topic In Our Society Today. Read The Papers. America Is Hurting Because Of It. For God's Sake, Speak Up. Don't We Need To Learn Respect For People's Feelings? What Is Going To School For? To Learn How To Add?

I Never, Ever Update Mark Twain. I Don't Modernize It. I Let The Audience Update The Material. When I Go Out On Stage, I'm Trying To Make The Audience Believe They're Looking At This Guy Who Died 104 Years Ago And Listening To Him And Saying To Themselves, "jesus, He Could Be Talking About Today." And That's The Point.

The Main Thing About Money, Bud, Is That It Makes You Do Things You Don't Want To Do.