I Have A Pacemaker In,

I Was Going Up To The Bathroom And A Woman Asked Me: "have You A Good Memory For Faces?" I Asked Why And She Said: "because There Isn't A Mirror Up There."

I'm Really Worried About My Girlfriend's Morals ... She Has Next Written On Her Knickers.

This Is Frank Carson, News At Ten, Sober.

I Gave My Wife A Kiss This Morning. She Jumped Out Of Bed And Did A Lap Of Honour.

I've Been Married To My Wife For 60 Years But It Feels Just Like Yesterday, And You Know What A Bloody Awful Day Yesterday Was.