I Had A Dog That

Women Get A Little More Excited About New Year's Eve Than Men Do. It's Like An Excuse: You Drink Too Much, You Make A Lot Of Promises You're Not Going To Keep; The Next Morning As Soon As You Wake Up You Start Breaking Them. For Men, We Just Call That A Date.

If You're A Gunfighter, You Like To Die In The Street.

Michael Jackson Has A New Baby Boy; No Word Yet Who The Father Is.

The University Of Nebraska Says That Elderly People That Drink Beer Or Wine At Least Four Times A Week Have The Highest Bone Density. They Need It - They're The Ones Falling Down The Most.

Hillary Clinton Said That Her Childhood Dream Was To Be An Olympic Athlete. But She Was Not Athletic Enough. She Said She Wanted To Be An Astronaut, But At The Time They Didn't Take Women. She Said She Wanted To Go Into Medicine, But Hospitals Made Her Woozy. Should She Be Telling People This Story? I Mean She's Basically Saying She Wants To Be President Because She Can't Do Anything Else.