I Got An Ant Farm.

I Have Found When I Look At An Audience That The Expressions On The Peoples' Faces Aren't Always Up To Par With The Sounds That They're Making. A Crowd Can Sound Like They're Having A Good Time When Your Eyes Are Closed But If You Open Your Eyes, The Looks On Some Of Those Faces Don't Equal The Sound.

I Don't Want To Have My Face On The Cover Of A Wheaties Box. I Wanna Have My Face On The Cover Of A Rice Krispies Box. "snap, Krackle, Mitch And Pop"!

The Commercial For Diet Dr. Pepper Says It Tastes Just Like Regular Dr. Pepper. Well, Then They Screwed Up!

I Was Going To Stay Overnight At My Friend's House - He Said, "you'll Have To Sleep On The Floor." Damn Gravity! You Don't Know How Bad I Wanted To Sleep On The Wall.

The Depressing Thing About Tennis Is That No Matter How Good I Get, I'll Never Be As Good As A Wall.