I Got A Job At

When I Was A Kid, My Goodness, Corporate America Was A Bunch Of Stolid White Guys In Gray Suits Trying To Be Serious, And Now It's Stolid White Guys In Gray Suits Trying To Be Funny.

My First Job As A Kid Was Going From Door To Door Selling Christmas Cards, To Raise Money For My Grandmother's Hip Replacement. Because, You Know... You Break It, You Buy It.

I Don't Know If I Have Sexual Magnetism Or Animal Magnetism, Though Sometimes I'll Find A Squirrel Stuck To My Forehead.

You Know, A Lot Of Girls Go Out With Me Just To Further Their Careers...damn Anthropologists.

How Many People Here Have Telekenetic Powers? Raise My Hand.