I Feel The Need To

"equestrian", By The By, Is The Gayest Word In The English Language. In Fact, I Thought Brokeback Mountain Should Have Been Called Two Equestrians.

When I'm Funny Is When I'm Angriest.

Anybody Who Likes Writing A Book Is An Idiot. Because It's Impossible; It's Like Having A Homework Assignment Every Stinking Day Until It's Done. And By The Time You Get It In, It's Done And You're Sitting There Reading It, And You Realize The 12,000 Things You Didn't Do. I Mean, Writing Isn't Fun. It's Never Been Fun.

If You Don't Drink 56 Bottles Of Water A Week, Scientists Say You Should Take A Garden Hose At The End Of The Week And Shove It Up Your Ass.

On The Plane Was A Time Magazine And There Was A 30 Page Article On Diabetes, And I Read Every Page. By The Time That Plane Landed, I Had Diabetes.