I Don't Know If You

Having Children Is Like Living In A Frat House - Nobody Sleeps, Everything's Broken, And There's A Lot Of Throwing Up.

I'd Rather Be In Las Vegas 104 Degrees Than New York 90 Degrees, You Know Why? Legalized Prostitution. In Any Weather That Takes The Edge Off.

I Have The Show Because I'm Insecure. It's My Insecurity That Makes Me Want To Be A Comic, That Makes Me Need The Audience.

I Did 15 Shows A Week When I Lived In New York. I Did Five Shows On A Friday And Seven Shows On A Saturday. It Was Everything I Did And It Was My Sole Source Of Income.

If I Have Sex, I Know My Quarterly Estimated Taxes Must Be Due. And If It's Oral Sex, I Know It's Time To Renew My Driver's License.