I Don't Think That I

It's Supposed To Feel Totally Foreign [to Play In A Series], Every Single Time. But, Going Back For Another Go At It Is Good, On The One Hand, But It's Also Bad, On Another Hand, Because Your Ideas Dry Up Sometimes, And Also You Get Lazy Sometimes Because You're Around The Same People.

I Think Someone Follows Me. They Do The Most Random Stuff. I Get A Photo Taken Through A Burger Drive-through Window And It's Like, 'what?'. They Always Seem Like They're Six Feet Away. I Don't Understand. I'm Walking Around And I Don't See Anybody.

The Only Thing That You Can Do Is Do Jobs And See If People Respond To That. I'm Always Holding Onto The Fact That I Don't Really Know Who I Am. Hopefully I Won't Compartmentalize Myself Because Of That, Because I'm Completely Ignorant Of The Whole.

When I Was 17 Until, I Don't Know, 20, I Had This Massive, Baseless Confidence. This Very Clear Idea Of Myself And How I Would Achieve Success, Which Involved Making Decisions. I Saw Myself Picking Up The Phone And Saying 'absolutely Not' Or 'definitely Yes.' Having Control. Except You Have To Figure Out Whether The Way You Think At 19 Or 20 Has Any Value. And Eventually I Understood, With All That Control, Which Was Probably Illusory, I Wasn't Progressing. So Now I'm Relinquishing A Bit. I'll Be A Tiny Bit Naked.

I Don't Really Like Watching My Stuff. It Makes Me Feel Sick. You Imagine You Look A Certain Way In Your Head, And When It Looks Even The Slightest Bit Different From What You Imagine, You Go, 'rubbish!'