I Don't Own A Camera,

It's Harder To Be Funny From The Position Of Power.

Language Is A Tool For Concealing The Truth. If We Could Read Each Other's Minds, This Would Be A Horror Show.

The Bloodiest, Most Brutal Wars Fought, All Based On Religious Hatred. Which Is Fine With Me! Any Time A Bunch Of Holy People Want To Go Out And Kill Each Other I'm A Happy Guy!

I Don't Like The Phrase Shock Value. Surprise Is Essential In Comedy, And If People Are Shocked By What I Consider Merely Surprising, Then That's Their Shock. But There Is No Joke Without Surprise.

Political Discourse Has Been Reduced To "where's The Beef?" "read My Lips," And "make My Day." Where Are The Assassins When We Really Need Them?