I Can't Predict The Future

While I Have The Utmost Respect For People Who Practice The Christian Faith, The Fact Is, As Everyone Knows, I Am As Jewish As A Matzo Ball Or Kosher Salami.

Ladies And Gentlemen, You Can't Please Everyone. Take My Girlfriend - I Think She's The Most Remarkable Woman In The World. . . . That's Me . . . But To My Wife . . .

My Father Was A Very Successful Businessman, But He Was Ruined In The Stock Market Crash. A Big Stockbroker Jumped Out The Window And Fell On His Pushcart.

Predictions Are Preposterous. What Usually Happens Is That People Tell You That What They'd Like To See Happen Instead Of What They Really Think Will Happen. There Are So Many Variations And Possibilities That There's No Way To Ever Really Know For Certain.

People Come To My Shows And Know That They're Going To Hear About What's Going On In The World - What's Happening At The Moment. My Material Is As New As Anything On The Dinner Table.