I Can't Afford To Die;

There Are Many Ways To Die In Bed, But The Best Way Is Not Alone.

I Don't Have A Drinking Problem. I Drink. I Get Drunk. I Fall Down, No Problem.

I Thought To Myself, 'why Not Write A Bestseller?' In The First Place, More People Buy Them And More People Read Them. You Make More Money And It Doesn’t Take Any More Time To Write A Bestseller Than It Does To Write A Book Nobody Buys.

The Happiest People I Know Are The Ones That Are Still Working. The Saddest Are The Ones Who Are Retired. Very Few Performers Retire On Their Own. It's Usually Because No One Wants Them. Six Years Ago Sinatra Announced His Retirement. He's Still Working.

Someone Who Makes You Laugh Is A Comedian. Someone Who Makes You Think And Then Laugh Is A Humorist.