I Bit A Pillow. Or

I Tried To Remember How To Exhale. I Had To Look Away Before It Came Back To Me.

For A Second I Was Just A Kid – A Kid Who Had Lived All Of His Life In The Same Tiny Town. Just A Child. Because I Knew I Would Have To Live A Lot More, Suffer A Lot More, To Ever Understand The Searing Agony In Edward’s Eyes.

I Kept Pushing Against The Black, Though, Almost A Reflex. I Wasn't Trying To Lift It. I Was Just Resisting. Not Allowing It To Crush Me Completely. I Wasn't Atlas, And The Black Felt As Heavy As A Planet; I Couldn't Shoulder It. All I Could Do Was Not Be Entirely Obliterated.

Why Does Ian Think I Have To Kiss You?

And Yet, I Found I Could Survive. I Was Alert, I Felt The Pain - The Aching Loss That Radiated Out From My Chest, Sending Wracking Waves Of Hurt Through My Limbs And Head - But It Was Manageable. I Could Live Through It. I Didn't Feel Like The Pain Had Weakened Over Time, Rather That I'd Grown Strong Enough To Bear It.