I Am The Very Model

If You Give Me Your Attention, I Will Tell You What I Am: I'm A Genuine Philanthropist--all Other Kinds Are Sham. Each Little Fault Of Temper And Each Social Defect In My Erring Fellow Creatures, I Endeavor To Correct.

I Am, In Point Of Fact, A Particularly Haughty And Exclusive Person, Of Pre-adamite Ancestral Descent. You Will Understand This When I Tell You That I Can Trace My Ancestry Back To A Protoplasmal Primordial Atomic Globule.

I've An Irritating Chuckle, I've A Celebrated Sneer, I've An Entertaining Snigger, I've A Fascinating Leer; To Everybody's Prejudice I Know A Thing Or Two; I Can Tell A Woman's Age In Half A Minute--and I Do

Let The Punishment Fit The Crime.

To Sit In Solemn Silence On A Dull, Dark Dock In A Pestilential Prison With A Life-long Lock Awaiting The Sensation Of A Short, Sharp Shock From A Cheap And Chippy Chopper On A Big, Black Block.