I Am Not... Totally Unreceptive

[on Not Reading Newspapers:] If Something Important Happens, Your Mother Calls You.

Children Are Rarely In The Position To Lend One A Truly Interesting Sum Of Money. There Are, However, Exceptions, And Such Children Are An Excellent Addition To Any Party.

You Can Be Nasty When You Are Young, But You Really Have To Be Older To Achieve Bitterness.

I Love Sleep Because It Is Both Pleasant And Safe To Use. Pleasant Because One Is In The Best Possible Company And Safe Because Sleep Is The Consummate Protection Against The Unseemliness That Is The Invariable Consequence Of Being Awake. What You Don't Know Won't Hurt You. Sleep Is Death Without The Responsibility.

Life Is So Absurd Now That It Is Almost Impossible To Be A Satirist In This Era.