I Always Wanted To Write

Humanity Is A Crazy Contradiction. I Accept Us For Who We Are. We're Not That Great. Every Time We Take A Step Forward We Go Back To The Same Primitive Behavior. We're Meant To Be This Way. It's Not Our Fault, It's Just Who We Are.

New York Stat Agreed To Pay $12 Million To Settle A Lawsuit Filed Three Decades Ago By Inmates Swept Up In The Bloody 1971 Revolt At Attica Prison. The Settlement Will Be Paid In The Form Of Chocolate Bars And Packs Of Newports That Can Be Picked Up In The Commissary.

The Ancient Greeks Were The First Ones To Say An Unexamined Life Is Not Worth Living. They Don't Tell You Of Course What We Found Out, An Examined Life Not That Fascinating Either.

You Can't Make Money On Broadway. You Make Nothing. You Maybe Make Like $1,350 A Week After You Pay Out All The Producers.

The Thing That Drives Me Crazy Is When Comics Say 'i Have Low Self-esteem.' No You Don't. You're Standing On Stage Asking People To Pay. You Don't Play An Instrument. You Want People To Pay To Hear What's In Your Mind. You Don't Have Low Self-esteem. You Might Have Other Problems.