I Always Feel So Pretentious

I've Always Enjoyed Watching Characters That Aren't Aware That They're Doing Anything Funny. And I Think That Inherently Makes Them Funnier.

You Know What Disneyland Is Known For? The Big Turkey Leg. People Walk Around With Enormous Deep-fried Turkey Legs. Like Little Kids, Three-year-old Kids Eating These Five-pound Turkey Legs.

I Ate Fiberglass Insulation. It Wasn’t Cotton Candy Like The Guy Said… My Tummy Itches.

High School – Those Are Your Prime Suffering Years. They Don’t Get Better Suffering Than That.

I Don't Think Of Myself As Funny - I Don't Fill Up A Room With My Humor... I Would Fail Miserably As A Stand-up Comedian.