He Who Hesitates Is Poor.

Hope For The Best. Expect The Worst. Life Is A Play. We're Unrehearsed.

The Twelve Chairs Is About The Same Thing. It's All About Money Or Love. We Know We Need Money, We Know We Have To Get Money, We Know We Have To Hurt Others To Get Money. But We Don't Know Until Maybe It's A Little Too Late In Life That Love Is The Most Important Thing. Love, Friendship, Affection, Bonhomie, Whatever. Those Are The Only Things That Really Count: To Love And Be Loved.

Comedy Is Serious - Deadly Serious. Never, Never Try To Be Funny! The Actors Must Be Serious. Only The Situation Must Be Absurd. Funny Is In The Writing, Not In The Performing. If The Situation Isn't Absurd, No Amount Of Joke Will Help.

I'm Always Stunned When I Find Out People Like Roosevelt And Tolstoy Weren't Jewish. How Could I Love Them So Much?

I've Been Taught Ever Since I Was A Kid That Sex Is Filthy And Forbidden, And That's The Way I Think It Should Be. The Filthier And More Forbidden It Is, The More Exciting It Is.