He Tried To Smile, But

I Felt I Couldn't Lose Anything Else, But Just Then I Realized I Already Had: I'd Lost The Hope That I Would Ever Be Loved In Just That Way Again.

He Tells Me That The Best Man I Will Ever Find Will Be Attracted To Other Women. I Hear This As Another Fact I Am Too Old Not To Know. More Proof Of How Unprepared I Am To Love Anyone.

Time. There Seems To Be Vast Quantities Of The Stuff Spooling Around Me In All Directions, Everywhere I Look. Days And Hours. Weeks And Minutes. Years. The Hard Part, Ive Discovered, Is Filling It.

Everywhere You Go, You See Women More Beautiful Than Yourself. You Imagine Him Being Attracted To Them. You're Drinking Gasoline To Stay Warm.

I Tried To Avoid Mimi. Her Presence Seemed To Call Forth Every Rejection I'd Ever Experienced-the Teachers Who'd Looked At Me As Though I Held No Promise, The Boys Who Didn't Like Me Back. Around Her, I Became Fourteen Again.