Happy Cinco De Mayo. In

Thanksgiving Is The Day When You Turn To Another Family Member And Say, 'how Long Has Mom Been Drinking Like This?' My Mom, After Six Bloody Marys Looks At The Turkey And Goes, 'here, Kitty, Kitty.'

New York Is Great Though. If You?re Here And Want A One Of A Kind Souvenir Be Sure To Take Home The Police Sketch Of Your Assailant.

I'm A Wiseass And A Smartass, And I Always Have Been.

I Got A Call From My Mom Today, She Says, 'well, David, I See You Didn't Get The 'tonight Show' Again.'

Did You Folks See President Bush's State Of The Union Address? How About That Surprise Announcement? Howard Dean Has Been Captured And He's In The Hands Of Interrogators.